- Several members of our Secret Awesome Group (we need capes! like superheroes!) recommended this AMAZING series of entries over at Antique Mommy: The Box. For your browsing convenience, here's Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five and the Conclusion.
- And yes, it's true: The Sweet Junipers are having another baby!
On that note, a LOT of bloggers are having babies. And I am happy! Because babies!
But I also feel the same way as Type (little) a, just a little bit. (Sorry for linking to an entry you've flagged for possible deletion, by the way, but it's just too timely.)
I shouldn’t be jealous of people who are growing their families. I shouldn’t be. But I am. And I feel guilty about that. (And if any of you reading this are pregnant or adopting or just home, this is not about you, and I am actually very excited for you. I just wish I could join you. )I feel like I’m shortchanging my daughter in some way. She should be enough for me. And I think of the people I know who are struggling with infertility or long adoption paperchases. And feel guilty all over again that it came so easily for me.
I'm still not pregnant either. I know tons of people, online and off, who are pregnant, and almost all of them are due at the same time.
And I'm sometimes shocked at the depth of my bitterness about that. (Although like Typelittea said, I'm not bitter about any blogger in particular or anything...I LOVE reading about pregnancies and birth and am happy for everybody, but just wish I was on the lucky list.)
How many people are still aching for ONE? How awesome is my ONE? And frankly, he needs all the love and attention I can give him right now, to get him through this blip in his development. Money is tight, we just bought a house, we should just stick with the status quo for now, etc. I think Jason would echo each and every one of Dutch's fears about the prospect of a second.
I got a positive result on an OPK this month, my first one in oh, EVER. I couldn't believe it, frankly, since this month has been the complete OPPOSITE of just-relax-ville. And so we dutifully Went For It and waited patiently, interpreting every little prick of heartburn and cranky mood as a reason to hope, and by the time I missed my expected period, we were both staring in front of our still-empty third bedroom with misty eyes, imagining the fun of a second crib and OMG, what if it's a girl? How fun would that be? Or another boy! How awesome would that be?
But the positive pregnancy test never came. And then finally, on cycle day FORTY THREE, my period arrived, proving that we'd probably been punked by the ovulation test and are no closer to another baby in any way, shape or form.
I'm ok with that. I have my one, who is my heart.
I'm also so freaking sad.
But thank you, Typelittlea, for letting me know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.