Of Buns in Ovens and Bloggers in Need

This week, wildreemer of Tales of a Misguided Mommy finally got it. The blogging thing. The community thing.

First, she wrote this entry, about a horribly disturbing dream she had. She woke up terrified, traumatized and shaken and couldn't seem to let it go. I should mention that she is pregnant. And she dreamed about putting her baby in the oven and cooking him alive.

And that's when it happened.

I was flooded with comments and email full of love and support.  These people talked me down from a very wobbly and teetering ledge.  They took the time to Google my dream for me (duh, why didn't I think of that) and show me the real meaning.  They also took the time to let me know all the other scary and discouraging thoughts I was having were normal.  Not bad or wrong but normal.

I had that dream too. Twice, actually. Mine was made slightly less horrifying because my baby looked like a dolphin one time, and then he was a turtle. He was swaddled up in a blanket and I stuck him in the oven. And then I was horrified when I went back to the oven and pulled out a turtle casserole. And then a contestant from The Apprentice showed up and started screaming at me, and that's when it just got weird.

But I remember those dreams. I wrote about them too -- it was the night before our big ultrasound, and I had both dreams back to back, for an entire nights' worth of baby-cooking weirdness.

I made some jokes about it, but I was secretly pretty rattled. Did I cook the baby because I didn't think he was cute? Because he was a boy and I wasn't sure I really wanted a boy?

My commenters did the same thing wildreemer's did. They pointed out the oven = womb symbolism and suggested that I actually dreamed that because while I was incredibly excited about the ultrasound and HAVING MY BABY ALREADY, I knew he wasn't done cooking yet and put him in the oven to keep him safe.

Months later, we started calling Noah "the Turtle," for reasons that had nothing to do with that dream. Huh.

Anyway, wildreemer wrote a follow-up post and realized that the whole thing made her realize exactly why we do this blogging thing and why, despite drawbacks and a certain element of Internet Crazy, many of us simply could not parent without it. It's a hard thing to articulate, and I think she did a bang-up job:

So you ask why I blog.  Here is why. Because no matter what at any point of the day there will always be:

• One person to comment and say what you feel is right
• One person to say that everything is going to be fine
• One person to show you the rational side of things
• One person to laugh with you
• One person to help you figure out what needs figuring out
• One person to offer a hug
• One person to explain things to your dumb ass
• One person who can relate
• One person to empathize
• One person to sympathize
• One person to make you laugh
• One person who did it worse then you
• One person who tells you no matter what you write, they still love you.

Yes. And yes and yes. I'm not sure a day goes by at our house without me mentioning something I learned from my readers. Whether it's stunning houseflies with Windex before thwacking them or that kazoos are a great way to exercise Noah's mouth muscles, my readers have become a gigantic extended circle of family and friends, who always seem to know exactly what to say and what you need to hear, be it support or empathy or even tough love.

And that's why I blog too.

Comments

[Lynda]

Well, that's it then. I'm going to have to start blogging too now. After all I have plenty of spare time. I just hope you realise I will be pointing my family in your direction when they want to know who to blame for the lack of food/clean clothes/clear areas on the carpets.

[Jill]

Like Lynda, I've thought about blogging. There are times I would love to ask for advice, or share, or whatever. How about writing about how to get started? How do you pick a name? Where do you start? How do people find you? Ya know, the basics?

[Michelle]

It goes both ways, too. Those of us doing the commenting get to share the same sense of community, support, and understanding when we read blogs like yours and Misguided Mommy's. (Ok, I know that was a giant Nacho Grande Cheese statement but I really mean it.)

[chantelle]

I blame the expression bun in the oven for the baby eating dreams. And I second Michelle's nacho cheese.

[Amanda]

I love bloggers. I'm always looking - yeah, like my feed reader needs any more! In the whole parenting gig, it's nice to know others have been there, done that.

Oh look, I learned something new today. Windex stuns flies? Hmmm.

[rimarama]

Amen to that! I wish I had discovered the blogosphere four years ago when my first child was born and I first realized that parenting is very different from what I thought it would be. It may not have prevented the melancholy, but it would have helped me get through it with a little more perspective.

[jive turkey]

Sometimes I feel weird when I realize that it was reading the blogs of amalah and sweet juniper and a host of other young parents that finally made me realize that I want to this whole baby thing...but mostly I'm just grateful. None of my friends are parents yet, so I really needed that perspective. Thanks, everyone. Hopefully soon I can visit this site and have it, you know, actually APPLY to me :)

[AmyM]

When I was pregnant with my first, I had lots of crazy dreams.

I dreamt that some crazy gangsta girl killed my best friend in front of me and said that if I ever told anyone, she'd come take my baby. Then after I had my baby (in my dream), she came to the door and said that she knew I had talked (even though I hadn't), so she was there to take my baby.

In my 3rd trimester, I had dream that I was being chased through my neighborhood by some thugs and I ran into some old lady's house to get away from them. She wouldn't let me stay there and she wouldn't let me use her phone to call the police. So I had to run out her back door to the bank. The bank told me to get out. No one would help me and I had to keep running from place to place to try to hide.

I also had a dream that he was going to be a little girl with Downs Syndrome.

After I had my baby (in real life), I had a dream that evil ghosts were trying to steal him, but I wouldn't let them get through the bedroom door.

Creepy.

I never had dreams like that with my two subsequent children.

[Jessica]

How odd, I posted about my love for the Internet just yesterday.
Blogging, and bloggers, are definitely what keep me on this side of sanity!
Though I'm not quite at the stage where I get that many comments... lol.

[Rebecca]

me love blogging. ug. even more than fire.

as for baby dreams...I dreamed Violet punched through my stomach and when she came out, she had Michelle Pfieffer's head on her little baby body...

[Tracy]

Cool, so blogging is like a lightbulb joke!

I remember right before having my son, who is now four, we moved to a townhouse up a long concrete driveway, and I dreamed my newborn baby dropped out of my arms onto that driveway, and his poor wee body just splatting, sounds and all. It disturbs me still just thinking about it.

I also dreamed my husband left me while I was pregnant. I think I had a lot of fears about motherhood, maybe.

[jodi]

And friends. I've made actual friends, which surprises me. Some I've never met and we email every day. Others I have met, and we have become friends. All from blogging.

[wilddreemer]

I forgot to say, there is always one person who will write you and tell you, YOUR ASS LOOKS GREAT IN THOSE JEANS!!!!!

[Jen]

I have to agree that the amount and variety of support that I have received from my friends in the blogging community has literally helped me work through SERIOUS ISSUES in the past and really helped me laugh at myself sooo much more!! Thank Gob for all my blogging buddies! They work wonders on my conscience as I work through my pre-parental strife!

[Margarita Mama]

Oh wow, is that what Windex is for?

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I have always loved the community aspect of the internet, but I never realized how much I'd love blogging until I started to do it. It's hard to explain why it is so great to a non-blogger, but I try!

And, Jill, just ask your husband or signficant other for name help. I did, and he came up with something way better than I could have! My early ideas for names were just pathetic, lol.