Blogger Takes on the Ban

Quick! Quick!

Turn on Fox to catch blogger Alex Elliot on The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet discussing her post about the NYC and MA ban on formula samples in hospital diaper bags!

(Will update this post with my thoughts in a second....)

Okay, first of all, congrats to Alex on a wonderful, well-spoken appearance.

My breastfeeding struggles are well-documented. To recap: Big baby, milk came in late, weight loss in excess of 10%, Noah got his first bottle of formula in the lactation consultant's office at five days old. Turns out my fibrocystic breast disease and scar tissue from cyst aspirations impeded my milk production, dooming me from ever having enough to exclusively breastfeed. I pumped, I took supplements, I nursed around the clock. I went back to work and my supply dropped through the floor, and I dried up sometime around month 5, in a fit of tears, sadness and a bit of relief.

I agree with Alex that I don't understand why the hospital bags need to be such an either/or proposition. Nursing pads and milk storage containers? AWESOME. GIMME. A formula sample and some coupons? Thanks! I'll stick these in a drawer in case we need them at some point.

My first lactation consultant -- the one who admitted I needed to supplement, and supplement NOW -- described the formula in hospital bags like "sending someone home from rehab with crack in their suitcase." I opted not to see her again.

I agree with Alex that we are grown women. We can take in advice and information (even conflicting information!) and make our own choices. This assumption that we're going to pick formula because it's what came with a free tote bag assumes that we are all a bunch of...I don't even know. Uneducated teenagers who don't know any better? Workaholics with a flight of nannies who can't be bothered? (And I'm making these generalizations extremely sarcastically, because please. The idea that young mothers or working mothers are incapable of making the "right" choices for their children is a load of crap in and of itself.)

Breast milk is amazing. It's wonderful, almost miraculous stuff. But like Alex said, formula is not rat poison either. I'm not going to sit here and wonder if Noah would still be speech delayed if I'd managed to stick with nursing a little longer, because that means I have to wonder if Noah's speech delay is my fault for going back to work for those few months, or if I didn't eat the right things during pregnancy, and YOU KNOW WHAT?

We moms have enough pressure and choices to obsess and worry about already. Give us our choices, give us support and information, give us encouragement.

Not a stupid "I Eat At Mom's" onesie.

Comments

[Mandy]

Well said! When we brought my son home from the hospital he was very jaundice. I had to monitor his intake of milk to relieve the jaundice. Well my milk didn't come in right away and there was no way of knowing if he was getting enough nutrients to combat the jaundice. LUCKILY, I had that forumla from the damn tote bag to be able to supplement until my milk came in. I am glad I had it because we had no formula at home nor did my pump work well. I heart the tote and the formula in damn tote.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I totally agree. Honestly, when I get that bag and see just formula samples (which I did save just in case), it sort of turns me off. But even as an avid breastfeeder, so does the "Eat at Mom's onesie.

What about offering BOTH so moms can make a choice -- and feel supported instead of guilty.

[Type (little) a]

Don't you know that we wimmins base our decisions SOLELY on merchandise?

Considering I got several bags of free formula (at the doctor! AND the hospital!) and yet I still breastfed my daughter for a year, I don't know what happened. Someone must have bought me an "Eat at Mom's" t-shirt.

Because it couldn't have been my choice, my hard work, and the support of my husband and family that helped me succeed. No.

It could only have been MERCHANDISE.

[mamaebeth]

i was under the impression that the samples, etc... were available upon request. i don't really see why this is a big deal at all. if you want a bag, ask for it. lord knows you can sign up on the internet for one.

personally, i gave away my samples and used the bag to store my breast pump.

[AmyM]

I agree that it is a choice. I formula-fed my kids. All 3 of them. That doesn't mean I didn't TRY breastfeedng. Because I did. I tried really hard each time. But for some reason, I couldn't figure it out. I know, women have been doing it for thousands of years, it's an instinctive thing...blah blah friggin blah. I couldn't do it. That doesn't mean I failed motherhood from Day One.
My kids are healthy. They are smart. Part of me is glad I didn't breastfeed them or they would be supergeniuses taking over the world right now.

[heels]

The only argument I can find for not handing out formula so easily is that breastfeeding can be really hard and, perhaps, a new, sleep-deprived mother may turn to the readily available and easy formula without really giving breastfeeding the chance it deserves.

That said, I was not able to breastfeed due to genetic deficiencies and had to use formula for my son from 7 weeks old on. He's just fine. Breast is best, but yeah- formula is not rat poison and it saves babies' lives.

[Lisa V]

Heels, I've seen that argument (a desperate mom tries formula because it's readily available)and I really wonder about it. This implies that she wouldn't have the rational choice whether to buy it in the future.

My eldest child was adopted, I exclusively formula/bottle fed her.

I gave birth to my next two children and they were exclusively breastfed. Not one bottle, ever. Both of them had little cans of formula sent home with us. I gave them away to a friend who was formula feeding. That can didn't turn me away from nursing.

Either quit giving away gift bags totally or treat parents like grown-ups and let them choose which products they want to use.

[*pixie*]

Breast feeding is hard in the beginning and even with the myriad of samples I was given I pushed through. I breastfeed, I pump, I work full-time and sometimes (gasp!) I supplement with a bottle of formula. And at 4 months, this seems to be fine for both of us.

[Bethiclaus]

I had tons of problems with my breastfeeding and formula saved my child's life. I still breastfed to 15 months and I have trouble believing that there are women who would choose formula simply because there's a free can in a bag. Surely they know the hospital won't keep them on the formula dole forever. I do understand wanting women to attempt to breastfeed. I wish more women would. But having hospitals refuse to hand out a possibly life-saving food substance is insane.

[Tara]

Amen, to the post and the comments. I was planning to exclusively breastfeed, but my milk didn't come in right away, and the nurse freaked me out on the day we left the hospital. She told me my son's blood sugar was low, the doc was talking about having to give formula regardless of my wishes, and I'd better buy a breastpump IMMEDIATELY to get my boobs working. As a result, my first night at home with my son was a nightmare. I tried and tried to nurse him, spent forever trying to wash & figure out how to use the pump (purchased on the ride home with our baby!!), and finally, tearfully, gave my son a bottle of formula from that free can so he'd have a full tummy and could get some sleep. I felt like a failure.

The next morning, I woke up with twin volcanoes on my chest that shot milk all over the place until I could get my son latched on. I didn't have any more supply problems for the next 14 months of nursing, and the free formula supplies (from the hospital, and mailed samples) stayed in the kitchen pantry as a "just-in-case" stash.

Anyone capable of the rational decision to breastfeed or not will not be permanently swayed either way by a free sample of anything. That's just ridiculous. I was glad to have something that I could feed my son until my body kicked into gear. Just because a "new, sleep-deprived mother" relies on formula once, that doesn't mean she'll quit trying to breastfeed.

[jodi]

Were you able to see it? I didn't think we got that show.

I love Alex and her blog!

[Arwen]

I can see both sides of this debate, I really can. I know that a lot of women have a very hard time with breastfeeding, that they use formula out of necessity, that the presence of a free sample in a hospital diaper bag did not cause them to make the decision to use formula, and that the idea that it could have caused them to do so is insulting. I find Amy's lactation consultant's analogy of formula to crack absolutely horrifying.

That being said, I don't think the bans on formula samples are necessarily out of line. It's easy for women who have access to education about the benefits of breastfeeding to get outraged at the condescension of the laws, but we are not the ones the laws are meant to benefit. (Yes, I said benefit.) If one of us chooses to give our baby formula, we're making an educated decision and we've got an idea about what the consequences might be. On the other hand, someone who doesn't have access to as much information as we do, who is still giving breastfeeding a try because she knows it's better for her baby, might give that sample formula to her baby simply because it's there and she doesn't want to waste it. She'll probably have no idea about nipple confusion or the importance of the early days of nursing for stimulating supply, but if her luck is bad she might very well end up dealing with nursing problems just because of that small amount of formula.

No one really couldn't live without that free sample of formula: $5 worth is very little, and women to whom $5 does make a difference should be able to buy formula with WIC coupons and food stamps. (It bears mentioning that they're also the ones who would benefit the most financially from breastfeeding.) And the free samples are not a kind gift to mothers from the altruistic formula companies either, they're a way to build both reliance on formula and brand loyalty from the very beginning. It seems to me that NYC's and MA's formula bans could be seen not as a way to protect mothers from themselves, but as a way to protect mothers - especially underprivileged and undereducated ones - from the formula companies. I understand why people might see it another way, but, well... I personally think it's worth some people being outraged if even a few more babies get breastmilk because of it.

[jonniker]

The whole thing infuriates me - that study that came out, that was all over the AP today? (Here: http://tinyurl.com/ytjmdz). How dare they, truly.

It just seems ... well, the whole thing reeks of misogyny to me. It's such a sickeningly mixed message - breastfeed for six months, but if you're having trouble, gee, what a shame, because we're only giving you 12 weeks of maternity leave to figure it out. Unless of course, the message is that women have no place in the workforce, which they wouldn't dare to admit, but I do get that subtext at times, oh yes I do.

The whole thing leaves such a bad taste in my mouth that it makes me want to formula feed on sheer, immature, irrational principle. Good thing I don't have a baby right now.

[jonniker]

To clarify my ill-stated point: The government does a lot of lecturing to us about mothering, breastfeeding and the like. And yet, I see little support for moms -- working or otherwise, but particularly working -- in the way of maternity leave, childcare assistance, etc. So, to me, it seems fairly unacceptable and misogynistic to crow to us about how we're doing it all wrong -- and look, here's a study and a ban to prove it! -- with little real support and assistance to make it all happen in the real world.

Unless, of course, they want us all barefoot and pregnant, and without any of the choices we worked so hard to achieve.

[mothergoosemouse]

Frankly, I wonder why breastfeeding advocates don't focus a little more attention on the benefits to the mother as well as those to the child.

First of all, breastfeeding is CHEAP. Even a Medela PIS doesn't cost as much as a month's worth of formula.

Second, breastfeeding is extremely convenient. You just whip it out, whether you're at home on the sofa, in bed at 2am, or out and about. No planning, mixing, or warming required!

Finally, it's a great way to force yourself to slow down and chill out. I'm sure a lot of us Type-A personalities could use that.

Meanwhile, I'm not even out of my first trimester yet and I've already started accumulating samples. Maybe I'll need them, maybe I won't. But it's good to have choices.

[sarahj]

Jonniker-- I completely agree with you-- and notice that this part of the conversation is the least likely to be taken seriously, or to even appear in public discussions of breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is a LUXURY-- you need to be with your baby 24/7, or you need privacy and flexibility at work in order to pump. Because of these requirements, breastfeeding is not the "financial savior" that many claim, espeically when discussing low income women.

I think the ban is bad-- we need free LCs and breastfeeding clinics, longer maternity leave time, and regulations allowing women to pump on the job, no matter what the job.

[Joanne]

It's really complicated and when it comes right down to it, nobody else's business how you feed your child. But it does seem weird to me that I got a 'breastfeeding support kit' that contained a booklet, a bottle and a can of formula. I was confused because at the hospital, they told me not to give my son a bottle until between four and six weeks, when my milk supply was established. So I didn't understand (and I'm not an idiot or anything) how the formula was there to help support my breastfeeding, which I was supposed to only be doing. I don't think this makes me stupid, I think it makes the company that makes the formula trying to make a sucker out of me. But that's just me, I'm all 'damn the man!'

[Kristen]

I did see the show and Alex was great.

I'd like to see some bfing stuff put into those bags -- and hell, keep the formula in there too.

What they really need in those bags in a bottle of Tequila.

I swiped that idea from Jenn who left a comment about it on my site.

That and some Prep H wipes.

[Procrastamom]

It always makes me sad reading these breastfeed/formula discussions, how the people who give/gave their babies formula feel they need to offer an excuse for doing so. "I gave my baby formula, but only because..."

I don't think anyone should ever have to excuse themselves for nourishing their child...breast or formula.

I exclusively formula fed my three children. No but. No because.

[cagey]

I agree that formula is not the worst thing out there and it's not really that much of a problem here in the US. But it should be noted that one reason why the formula companies are drawing so much anger from the breastfeeding community is due to the formula companies' unconscionable marketing tactics in 3rd world countries. The fact remains that formula companies are aggressively marketing their product in communities in countries that do not have safe water sources. Babies do die because of formula use in 3rd world countries, it's not an urban legend and I do have a friend who lost a sibling to formula use.

There's a bigger, far more important message out there that is being lost.

[Amanda]

I know this is the easy way out of a thoughtful comment but I just want to say: Thank you Arwen, whoever you are. You said it perfectly.

Arwen -- I agree with you TOTALLY.

Sarahj -- I think characterizing breastfeeding as a luxury is overstating it quite a bit. Granted, the corporate structure is not conducive to pregnancy / parenting, but the word I think is more apt is COMMITMENT: breastfeeding is a commitment. I know many, many people who breastfed for 12 + months while working full-time at both while-collar and blue-collar jobs. It takes commitment.

Cagey -- I think your point is the most significant. Formula companies' marketing practices in 3rd world countries is the true abomination.

Finally, before I gave birth, I was horrified by the legions of bloggers who lamented the impossibility of breastfeeding. I was terrified that I would find it just as difficult. I didn't. I think there is a misperception that breastfeeding is this hugely insurmountable challenge and you better just brace yourself for the horror of it. I gotta say, it was nothing like that for me. It DID come naturally. It WAS relatively painless. Most breastfeeding moms I know have the same story. I don't think tis naturalness and ease is misleading. Having problem after problem with it is truly the exception to the rule and I wish someone had told me that. It can be fine -- it's not terrible and difficult for everyone.

[Joanne]

It's hard to advise someone who is pregnant about breastfeeding, for me anyway. I don't want to scare anyone out of it but I don't want them to be like "why didn't you tell me it was so hard!?" as some of my friends have yelled at me. I did have a hard time with it, initially. Every single nurse in the hospital told me something different. My son had a sign in his little crib that said "no bottles or pacifiers! I'm learning to breastfeed!" but one nurse told my husband if the baby fussed in the nursery, she was going to give him a pacifier. I didn't even know when my milk was coming in, I thought it came in before I went home (I was in the hospital three days) but then I got home and it DID come in and I was like 'what the hell is THIS?' I usually tell people that want to try to try and try hard and be committed to it but also to be aware that it might be hard and you might have problems and not to knock yourself out over it. It's such a hard time when you're home with (especially) a first baby, I wish women were better prepared and supported about feeding their babies, no matter how they do it. I don't think some formula company (I'm looking at you, Nestle) really cares about women breastfeeding. Lastly, I try not to take it personally when studies come out about breastfeeding or not. If someone says "breast is best" it doesn't automatically mean "and you're the Devil if you give your child formula".

[Dooneybug]

I made a similar comment on another blog about how I have mixed feelings on the issue. While I think it's great that breastfeeding is being promoted, at the same time how does receiving a bag of breastfeeding supplies make a new mom feel if she is struggling or just can't breastfeed due to whatever issue? I know that after I had my son, with all the emotions and baby blues I dealt with, every little comment or suggestion of doing something different than what I was doing made me feel completely incompetent and made the depression worse. And I breastfeed him!

The article I read did state that formula was available upon request which I think is a good compromise. Just don't see why they don't put freebies in the bag that aren't so controversial, like q-tips, plain onsies or baby-sized towels and leave how a mom chooses to feed her baby up to her, with guidance if asked?

[Alicia]

I think anyone who maintains the notion that keeping the free formula samples out of the hands of new moms will Save A Baby is simply delusional.

Breastfeeding is best, sure. But breastfeeding moms aren't doing so because formula was not made available to them, and moms giving formula to their babies aren't doing it because they got a $2 coupon. I mean, really, the absence of coupons and samples might at best be symbolic, but it's not going to make the percentage of breastfed babies skyrocket.

What would make a difference is changing the actual barriers to successful breastfeeding. Mandatory paid maternity leaves (Canada has a full *year*), affordable/free breast pumps for low income moms, and breastfeeding support that doesn't come with the huge dollop of condescension that so many frustrated moms find themselves on the receiving end of.

*Those* are the main barriers to having more women breastfeed successfully. A battle over coupons achieves absolutely nothing.

[Liz in Australia]

In Australia I don't believe it has been legal to include formula samples in hospital sample bags for years. I don't see it as condescending to women, I see it as a way of trying to support a fairly fragile breastfeeding culture which otherwise would have to compete with multinational companies in the marketplace. I don't think it is the only or even the best strategy out there, in fact I think it should be subordinate to a really well-resourced system of free lactation consultants, live-in breastfeeding clinics and full support for women to express breastmilk at work.

I acknowledge that I have the luxury to be a SAHM and had no problems exclusively breastfeeding my two kids. I just don't think it should be a luxury, it should be a right for all mothers and all babies. If there are genuine reasons for not being able to breastfeed, as in your case Amy, then of course it is much better to have that accurately diagnosed by a lactation consultant than struggling on while your baby suffers. But it shouldn't be a matter of having your socioeconomic status dictate your access to help and information.

[A Week In the Life of A Redhead]

I went through almost EXACTLY the same thing, but for me at the time I had an undiagnosed thyroid disease. My son was so colicy and hungry, and I so desperate, that I went to the library and poured through a Pediatricians desk reference and found a recipe for baby formula from Goats milk. I bought the condensed formula and made my own. My son drank 15 ounces on the first sitting and slept for 10 hours. He was a different baby after that. he's never had an ear infection, never thrown up and I can count the times he has been sick on one hand. He is now 12 and as strong as a horse. When I would buy the goats milk in the store all these retired doctors would say, "Ahhh you have a colicy baby...I bet he loves it." He did. My breast milk was never enough, and caused him great distress. I never once felt guilty about not brest feeding him after the third week. Both he and I are JUST fine.
Great post.
Catherine, the redhead
http://www.aweekinthelifeofaredhead.com

[Alex Elliot]

Thank you for the kind words and for such a great post. We second guess every developmental delay and disability (even every cold). The last thing we need is one more reason to punish ourselves for the unfortunate and sad events that just happen as part of life. We need to do our best with them and find ways to move forward. Thanks again!

[Nic]

I am a proud full time working mom to two, the most recent is 2 months old. I breast fed my first for 8 months (pumped for 5) and am still going with the second. I agree with Alicia's comment - and find her candor quite refreshing. I have found that the problem for me is a rapidly diminishing milk supply once I go back to work, despite a white collar job with every 3-4 hr breaks for pumping, and 3 day weekends to get back in synch with the nursling. I found when I went to formula feeding with my first it was instantly liberating and much better for me and my family's lifestyle. If I hear one more person telling me breastfeeding is more convenient - spare me, please. It is messy, it ties the mother to the child, it can be invasive of your privacy if you have hangups about feeding in public, and if you have another child, it is time away from being 'hands on' with that child (read as: time for the older child to write on the walls or to try to flush the cat down the toilet). But, it is also best for the child's health. For me (for us) that's the end of it. No magical bonding, no relaxing wonderment, just the best thing for the baby to eat. And I'm damn proud of the time I have successfully breast fed both of my daughters. But I don't guilt out any formula feeding mom b/c frankly, I don't know if BFing is all it's cracked up to be, and I understand that most formula fed kids end up being just as great as breast fed babies. Enough with the mother load of guilt (pun intended) for those who don't do everything Dr Sears demands of us.

[Liz]

I can see both sides of the argument. Breastfeeding didn't seem common when I was growing up. My mother never nursed either my sister or me. My uncle once told a 4-year-old me that looking at my aunt and cousin was "dirty". I think we need far more support and teaching than we get. Women and babies do not automatically know how to breastfeed! We, as women, do not see it often and when it comes time to try we aren't sure what to do.

For me, breastfeeding was convenient, especially at night (after we finally figured out how to do it). Nursing could quell those nasty, frequent panic attacks I had when she was a newborn. Pumping gave me much needed breaks at work when I was exhausted and stressed. My daughter still nurses a little when she's hurt or sad.

You know what I find disturbing and condescending? When the (female) CEO of my company asks me at the lunch table with 15 coworkers whether I'm still nursing. When another coworker kneels in front of my 21-month-old daughter and tells her that she's too old to still be nursing and should stop. Jeez, talk about assvice. Spare me. This goes back to the lack of support. It's abnormal in the US to nurse as long as we have and it's acceptable to tell me I'm parenting wrong. Why?

[Liz]

Nic,
I typed my comment before reading yours. I hope I didn't push any buttons about the convenience or the fact that I also said "spare me". :)

[Wacky Mommy]

It's *such* a personal thing, nursing. I wish women were more supportive of each other about lots of stuff, but this especially. I loved getting the freebies at the hospital. I'm all about free stuff. I would have taken crack cocaine, too, had they offered it.

[Mindy]

I breast fed my first child without any problems and took it for granted.
With my second child, I just didn't have the output. I could have continued breast feeding and letting my son's weight drop or I could use formula so he could be healthy. Kind of a no brainer. I'm so pissed about this that I keep rewriting this last sentence to leave out the expletives.
Oops.

[scoop]

Who gets 12 weeks of leave? I only got 6 weeks and then had a nightmare of a time pumping at work. I had complaints filed against me for talking about it with a supportive co-worker. Someone overheard and was offended. I had another complaint filed because I bf my son in our work bathroom after daycare b/c he was hungry. Another woman was offended. This country isn't supportive of bf'ing moms even thought they scream and holler about those evil moms who use formula. I had myself so worked up against using formula I got myself so sick and was near exhaustion. At 11 1/2 months I was nearly hospitalized and finally had to give bf'ing up. I think America needs a reality check. We can't push women to do it if there isn't any support system for them.

[Wacky Mommy]

I am loving all these comments. Hear, hear to more rights and better benefits for moms and kids. Go sign up with Moms Rising they are doing great work for all of us.

I still can't believe that when my daughter was born (after 3 days of labor, meconium, fetal distress, c-section, exhaustion for both of us) the nurses refused to give her a damn bottle! They kept saying my colostrum was enough. It wasn't. She was huge, over 10 pounds, and hungry because of the long labor! She'd burned through all her reserves. They put her in ICU, put an IV in her with sugar water, put her on oxygen (which she needed, so thank God it was there for her), were doing a "drip feed" with a tiny tube so she wouldn't have "nipple confusion." It was like I'd given birth to a tiny kitten instead of a big ol' baby girl

When the nurse said they were going to put a tube down her throat and force-feed her I completely flipped out and insisted they give her a bottle. I was in tears, it was horrible. My daughter was stressed. They finally gave her a bottle, which she guzzled, her high sugar levels came down (hmm. could it have been the sugar-water IV? Maybe???), my milk came in and we were fine.

Next baby, same thing, another big baby, but this time I freaked from the first second, wouldn't let them hook him up to anything until they tried a bottle. The older nurse we had said, "THANK YOU!!!" and was happy to give him a bottle. Which he devoured.

I breastfed til 2 years and 18 months, respectively, but the trauma those nurses did to us did not help. Sorry, it's been 8 years next month and I know I've written about this before, all over the place, but I want other moms-to-be to know -- 1) you'll figure out the right thing to do and 2) your baby will, too and 3) fight for your rights, for the 2 of you.

love,

wm

[jonniker]

Scoop: My 12-week comment was in reference to the FMLA, which entitles mothers to 12 weeks of unpaid leave while guaranteeing your job, at least. It's not ideal, nor is it paid leave, but it's what you're entitled to as a new mom, at least according to the U.S. government, who are actively pushing breastfeeding, without any additional support, those bastards (the ads! Those horrible ads! Remember those? The women on the mechanical bull? AAAH).

Very few companies provide that much actual paid leave, which is another issue tied to the same problem. Argh.

[Gillian]

Wow, I couldn't disagree with you more. All you have to watch is a week's worth of TLC's A Baby Story to see just how many moms give up breastfeeding within the first couple of days before giving up to the formula.

Formula, IMHO, is evil and should not be consumed by any babies other than moms who are unable to nurse or by babies whose mother's have died.

Breast milk banks should be more popular and accessable. I feel it's a real shame that formula is so widely used.

[Lisa]

Gee, Gillian. Are you sure your O is H? I don't think so.

[Ladybug]

My first time to your blog and it is great! Thanks!

[Delia]

Scoop -- it sounds like what happened to you is right up to the edge of illegal. I hope you were vindicated on all fronts.

I have to take issue with characterizing breastfeeding as a "choice." Your body does not "choose" to lactate. It is a biological process brought about by giving birth, barring any medical problem. The choice is only weather or not to honor the biological process or to short-circuit it.

I think only people who are physiologically unable to breastfeed should use formula -- choosing not to provide your baby with the best food available is an indefensible position, even if it means the inconvenience (gasp!) of pumping at work or taking some unpaid leave to get the hang of it. Perhaps the health and nutrition of the child should take priority over a standard of living that can't stand to miss a few paychecks.

That said, our culture supports maintaining that kind of materialism, so there will always be mothers who put the rat race ahead of childrearing. In such cases, safe, popular and accessible milk banks would be SO MUCH more preferable to formula. Then at least every baby whose mother wasn't breastfeeding could have the advantages of breastmilk anyway.

[jonniker]

Gillian, a visit to your blog suggests that you're in the throes of your first pregnancy. While I admire your convictions, I must admit to being a little horrified that you can cast such harsh judgment on something you've yet to experience in any capacity. We *all* have glorified ideas of what we'll do when we're mothers, but the reality isn't always what we want -- it's something I'm learning to accept, as I am not yet a mother.

And frankly, even if you had a fantastic, delightful experience breastfeeding your kids, you would - or at least, I would hope you would - recognize that not everyone's experience is the same.

[jonniker]

Gillian, a visit to your blog suggests that you're in the throes of your first pregnancy. While I admire your convictions, I must admit to being a little horrified that you can cast such harsh judgment on something you've yet to experience in any capacity. We *all* have glorified ideas of what we'll do when we're mothers, but the reality isn't always what we want -- it's something I'm learning to accept, as I am not yet a mother.

And frankly, even if you had a fantastic, delightful experience breastfeeding your kids, you would - or at least, I would hope you would - recognize that not everyone's experience is the same.

[Kristen]

Delia -

It must be nice to live in Utopia! Do you crap butterflies too?!

[Her Bad Mother]

Gillian, Delia - WHOA. Who appointed you the tit-police? Breastfeeding can be hard, REALLY hard. The difficulties that *I* had with breastfeeding contributed in a huge way to my post-partum depression. Isn't the well-being of mother and baby - on ALL levels - more important than following a party line? Some women can't or don't want to hack the challenge that breastfeeding can be - it's a choice, and rarely one that is undertaken easily. Let's support each other, please.

And Gillian, walk a mile in my nipple-shields before you judge. You don't know 'til you've been there.

[mothergoosemouse]

"I think only people who are physiologically unable to breastfeed should use formula..."

and

"Formula, IMHO, is evil and should not be consumed by any babies other than moms who are unable to nurse or by babies whose mother's have died."

Ladies, you really ought to find some other outlet for your vitriol and judgment.

[chantelle]

Hear, hear, sister soldier (both you and Alex, whose blog I didn't know, but will now check out). Originally a determined breastfeeder, I found myself three weeks after giving birth with a ridiculously small milk supply and a baby who was rapidly losing weight. After consulting with three lactation consultants I started supplementing with formula, and I now get really mad when anyone tries to suggest that mothers who use formula are evil or that women who have trouble breastfeeding didn't try hard enough. Unfortunately the worst perpetrators of the mothers are too dumb to make the best choices for their babies myth are often other moms. Sometimes I have to bit my tongue from telling other women, "Really, breastmilk is best? Geez, I didn't know because during those nine months of pregnancy I was too busy eating unpasteurized cheese and cleaning litterboxes while smoking crack to inform myself."

[chantelle]

After reading through the other comments again, I felt that I should mention that I live in Germany (I am American) and the discussions with the lactation consultants here were covered under health insurance i.e. affordable. I think the US needs to work to provide a lot more support in general to new mothers - regardless of how they choose to nourish their kids.

[Mom101]

This is the same fuzzy logic that says that if you give kids condoms in schools, they'll have sex. It's been disproven time and again. If a woman has invested in education, birthclasses, a few books before her l&d I doubt she'll give it up so soon without good reason.

If you look at the statistics, the greatest thefts in C-stores come from formula and diapers, which would indicate that formula feeders are not spoiled rich women who "put the rat race ahead of childrearing" as Delia put it. Her assertion is based on some sort of false stereotype that I think makes it easier for her to condemn the decision than the facts would.

Most women don't stop breastfeeding because they're selfish. Certainly Amy didn't. To imply otherwise is pretty reprehensible, especially after the honesty expressed in this post. The us-versus-them attitude in some of these comments is nonproductive.

[joy]

Delia, et al. It is precisely this form of zealotry that can turn many many women OFF breastfeeding. Nothing can be divorced from the cultural contexts in which it occurs--not eating, not clothing, and certainly not breastfeeding.

I breastfed. I also used forumla. I think my story is pretty typical among these circles. It's called finding the balance.

Fabulous post, Amy, as always. We need voices like yours that address the complexities without judgement.

[Kristine]

I totally agree. After an emergency C-section, transverse lie, cord wrap, oxygen levels which sent him to a level 2 NICU, my son was given a bottle of formula. Thank god, because it was another 6.5 hours before I saw him again. I did manage to breastfeed, and I did have problems. And all the while I had all my formula samples in my cabinet. I did not end up needing them (so far), but having them there in case I did was reassuring to me. To think that a woman would be too stupid to make the decision to use or not use them in the best interest of her child and herself is condescending and insulting. And to suggest that a handful of women have the only legitimate reasons for using formula is the same, and to be so cocky to think that only you have to power to decide when it is and isn't a legitimate reason, is assinine.

[Lisa Marie]

Yes, breastmilk is miraculous, but it's no cure all...I made gallons of milk. Like a big ol' cow. Breastfed my first until he was 22 months old. And he didn't say a word. Total speech delay. It wasn't till I pulled that boob out of his mouth and got him some speech therapy that he started talking. And he also had ear infections like every week until he was about 20 months old. So I still believe in breastmilk, but it doesn't put a magic shield around your child and make him/her an invincible genius.

[Nic]

Delia and Gillian, I am having a hard time biting my proverbial lips in response to your comments. How hurtful are you to suggest that all moms who work are selfish? Some of us do not have a choice, and putting food on the table or working to provide our children with health insurance is not a pursuit of materialism. Some of us work for other reasons, and guess what? That's ok too. Get your head out of the sand, and consider for a moment that not all of us are as privileged as you seem to be. Whatever works for our family is none of your business. And for God's sake, if you haven't even breastfed a baby yet, what right do you have to comment on how easy (or hard) it is? That kind of audacity is outstanding.

[Tere]

The bigger issue here, the one that interests me more than formula vs. BF, is the fact that in the United States, working moms receive little to no support from the government and society as a whole to make the choices that are best for their families.

I'm a working mom who breastfed/pumped for 13 months (with A LOT of struggle in the beginning), but I am fully aware that it was "easy" for me because my employer was 100% supportive and flexible. As was my husband and family. This made all the difference. Without them, it wouldn't have happened. The U.S. has a long way to go in this area. I wrote some about this in a post I did about World Breastfeeding Week, and I guess it's on my brain a lot these days.

A lot of what I'm reading here, the underlying frustration, is rooted in a society that is inherently non-supportive and that all but sets us up to fail (or feel like failures).

That said, I would like to state, for the record, that in my part of the world (South Florida, to be exact), there is a gross amount of ignorance about breastfeeding and its many (proven) benefits. I constantly hear from/about moms who say they "couldn't" breastfeed, but who never consulted anyone or took a class, or read a book about it. These are the same moms who felt it was a great inconvenience to BF because (gasp!) they would have to do it "all the time" and the baby would "never learn" or "be scheduled". To each her own, you know, but it's hard to believe that women don't have a selfish view of breastfeeding in the face of such overwhelming evidence.

[Gillian]

NEVER did I say that "moms who work are selfish." NEVER. And I couldn't disagree with you more on that, and Please don't make the mistake of putting words in my mouth again.

I'm lucky to be Canadian and have 50 (paid) weeks of Maternity Leave, and will not be working until I absolutely have to.

I think it's good to be as steadfast against formula as I am before I get into it- because I'll be a lot less likely to "give in" and use it when times get tough, which I know will happen. I understand that A LOT of women struggle with BF, and my heart goes out to all of them, it really does.

It's the people that CHOOSE to FF when they're fully capable of BF that I just can't relate to or understand or even respect. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, I truly am.

I'm five weeks away from giving birth for the first time, and suddenly I'm not allowed to have an opinion on FF vs BF? Are you f-ing serious? Get over yourselves, mamas.

[Delia]

Nic -- You might interpret what *I* said as "All moms who work are selfish." My intended message was that moms who choose to go back to work and switch to FF because pumping, etc. is too difficult / inconvenient are selfish. BF-ing while working is difficult, but you know what they say ... what's right isn't always easy and what's easy isn't always right. It's illegal in most states for an employer to deny a nursing mother the opportunity to pump. It's NOT illegal for a nursing mother to DEMAND she be given the opportunity to do so.

It's ironic to me that seemingly well-informed people such as the ClubMom community would so vociferously defend formula feeding when it has been proven over and over again that breastfeeding is preferable in almost every way. It's that kind of moral relativism that gets our society in trouble -- whatever works for YOU is ok as long as it works for YOU. I think that kind of thinking is dangerous. There are many legitimate reasons FF may be necessary (medical problems, primarily) but I do not think ignorance, personal convenience or outside pressure are legitimate reasons for denying a baby the best food available. Ignorance is the problem the formula sample ban is addressing.

[Wacky Mommy]

Please remember that many of us were able to nurse our babies first thing in the morning, last thing at night only (and formula feed the rest of the time) (or pump). Breast milk = supply and demand. You don't have to pump all day long at work, you can regulate to as few as one or two feedings a day.

OK last comment from me, I mean it! Unless someone says (as the women did at my salon last week), "She's nursing him tooooo long! He's 12 months! That's, like, child abuse! Sick!" Yes of course I brought up the World Health Organization stat of babies nursing til age 4, on the average, worldwide.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH.

[Heather]

I've bf'd all 4 of my kids. Last until he was 16 mths. I was told by the "evil doctors" (just because they opposed my wishes, they saved his life) that he would have to be on formula because of his heart failure. But one resident and I stood up for bf'ing and it worked.
That being said, IT IS THE MOTHERS CHOICE! Even Dad can't really be in on this one. If Mom chooses to BF, great. If there are problems and she needs to use formula, fine. If she chooses to never put her nipple in that babies mouth and to always use formula, yahoo!
We don't need "Big Brother" making us do it one way or the other. We also don't need the formula company adding their two cents.
What I have seen on TLC's baby story is that each new mother needs to be sent home with an experienced mother that stays for 2 weeks and helps then get the kinks worked out. Wait, that used to be extended family! Where did they go?

[Loni]

I just had my 12th baby - only one of these I was not able to breastfeed because she was stillborn. I've nursed 11 babies - including twins. Each one was different in how long I BF. My last three babies before my very last one, I nursed well past a year, and formula never touched their lips! I WAS quite proud of that. Then, our last little blessing came along - a month early and not wanting to nurse. We had to tube feed him at first. Finally he took on to nursing, but at his 6 week check up he still weighed less than his birth weight and his ribs were showing. When I had my check-up and the doc did the FULL exam, includng the breast exam, she said, "oh - you must have just fed your baby, your empty". It had been hours. So, on formula he went, and he's gained and done tremendously. I am still nursing some, but I know his weight gain is from the formula and he absolutely needed it. For us, the formula was best. We HAD to do it. I felt like a total failure - but that was ME - and my baby is what is more important and I need what is best for HIM - and formula is it. So, I sure can relate to your post. So well said. Thank you for sharing!

Loni

[gorillabuns]

my boobs didn't grow during or after pregnancy. i was simply unable with much medical help and advice, breastfeed.

also, i used my "gifted" diaper bag as a tax write-off.

and the second, i gave to a poor woman at a garage sale.

like i needed another bag.

[chantelle]

Gorillabuns - I had the same problem. No breast growth. Little development of the glands. Very little milk.

My beef with the people who call mothers who formula feed, whatever the reason, selfish is that they are acting like nursing is the only thing that goes into parenting. An overwrought, stressed mother is not able to be a good mother. There are lots of reasons why women might choose to use formula, and as long as we get the information out there, I am certain that the majority of women don't make any decisions pertaining to their children lightly.

The myth of breastfeeding - that everyone can it - is just as harmful as the lack of support given to mothers who wish to breastfeed. I now regret waiting three full weeks before really starting to supplement and for putting my child through discomfort and suffering because a number of activists told me that EVERY women CAN breastfeed, and I wanted to prove something to myself.
Now that is selfish.

[Tere]

I don't think anyone would argue that a stressed mom can't be a good mom and that women don't make parenting decisions lightly.

But they do make decisions out of ignorance. And trust me, I've seen with my own two eyes and heard with my own 2 ears mothers who didn't BF for no logical reason. None. They didn't educate themselves of their choices, and went with whatever information they'd gotten from those around them.

I'm sure there are times when formula is the best (or only) choice for someone; but if I personally am not more "supportive"-sounding, it's out of frustration over repeatedly seeing moms choosing not to BF for no other reason than that BF can be hard and a personal inconvenience. And I personally know that's true, but I also think that putting personal convenience above what's best for a baby IS selfish.

[Audrey]

I agree with offering both support to breastfeed along with the "just in case" formula. I recently donated all of our samples to a family in need, as my almost five-month-old is still successfully breastfeeding (but, if she wasn't, I would have been very thankful for the stash of formula). We did keep one can of the powdered stuff just in case something comes up. But I think that if you're serious about breastfeeding, you won't have trouble seeing past the formula samples. And, you can always kindly decline the gift bag -- no one says you have to take it home with you!

I, thankfully, have a husband who is very supportive of breastfeeding and took me to the lactation consultant (I had a c-section and was not able to drive, etc) when I was worried about how nursing was going in the early days. While my little one initially lost over a pound, she's now thriving and we call her our piglet.

I think that an increase in education and support needs to happen in order for moms to be more comfortable with breastfeeding. I don't have a problem breastfeeding in public, but I know that this is no true of everyone (and I know that I make others uncomfortable, even totally covered up, from the looks I get when we're out in public). So many people have said to me "I'd like to breastfeed, but it's really up to the baby when s/he arrives." In part, I suppose that this is true. However, with support and education for Mom, I think that more would breastfeed. No one told me how hard and heart-wrenching those first few days of colostrum-only would be, and while I don't want to scare pregnant moms, I am honest if I'm asked about breastfeeding, because I think that if people realized that it can be hard and frustrating, but totally worth it, they'll be more likely to stick to it.

We have friends who do all formula, we have friends who do some breast, some formula. I support their decision as what is best for them and hope that they support our decision as what is best for us.

OK, now I'll step down from my soapbox...

[chantelle]

Tere - I don't think we actually disagree. More education, more support are greatly needed. In Germany, where I live now, almost every woman consults with a midwife (who is typically also a lactation expert) after the birth and they come to the house and help in the beginning. Every day if necessary. This is completely covered by the normal health care.

I also concede that I would possibly not still be breastfeeding today in addition to giving formula, if I didn't know how good breast milk was for my baby. I saw in the early days exactly how easy it could be to give up.

But I think we need to strike words like "evil" and "selfish" out of vocabulary when talking with or about other mothers. Information, not condemnation is the way to see more women breastfeed.

And now I have officially posted too many times to this topic. :)

[Katelynsmama]

I completely agree and as far as seeing things from both sides no way. This is a choice just like anything else and has nothing to do with tiring out and using necessity. I went back to work as a tax accountant during tax season (14 hours work day no weekends) with my two week old. Can you say sleep deprived much. I still breast fed her until she was 8 months old at which time I had a horrible blood clot and had to stop nursing her. There are alot of situations that arise for the need of formula and a mother should never feel guilty for having to make that choice and I'm sorry at the same token I don't feel like they should feel like a hero for nursing either. For me it was way easier to nurse my daughter sleep deprived than mess with a bottle. We are all different people living completely different lives stop judging others.

[JoyLynn]

I almost didn't comment, out of fear of being ripped apart for being such an "evil, selfish" mother.
Yet, my very adorable, very smart, kind, talkative, funny, loving son has been on formula from day one. There was much pumped breastmilk given during the first 3 months, but a bottle of formula was never far away.
The reasons weren't completely medical [though there were medical issues that even a lactation consultant and doctor visits couldn't quite resolve], but they weren't completely personal either [though personal choices did influence the decision]. I was fully informed before and after the birth of my child as to the benefits and negatives of breastmilk vs formula, and think I chose the option that was best for the mental and physical health of both of us.
Regardless, I'm a wonderful mother to a wonderful son, and to hell with anyone that disagrees because my brilliant son was fed formula.

[Dawn - Coming to a Nursery Near You]

I exclusively breastfeed. And I was very grateful for the can of formula from the hospital because I've had to use it from time to time, and it saved me from having to go buy the stupid thing. I agree, give us choices, give us information. Not everyone CAN breastfeed. But seriously, the guilt of it kept me from giving up!

[amy]

Can you believe I had the opposite experience than this four years ago with my second child? I planned on breastfeeding, sure... but it was pain tenfold from moment #2 (first feed ever are the only feeds that never hurt with either child). The nurses were SO compassionate, and helpful and everyone was so great. Then I got home and without that support, I fell apart. What came home with me in the hospital give-aways? Neon orange and yellow flyers saying "Breast is Best!" "Support Breastfeeding!" etc. Not a single helpful hint for formula. None of the magazines showed me how much to feed a newborn (it's amazing how much you forget in four years from child #1 to child #2), it was ALL about how to tell if your child is getting enough breastmilk, the pros of breastfeeding etc. ad nauseum. I got through the first week of Pure and Absolute Hell of breastfeeding him, crying through every single 45minute-long feeding, including one day of jaundice that cleared up immediately. He was feeding great, I couldn't handle the pain. The midwives had no clue how to help me, and I had no guidelines on how to feed him a bottle for cryin' out loud!!!

It should be an absolute even split on the information. Women have ALL kinds of reasons to choose one strategy over another, why beat them down when they're most vulnerable and sleep-deprived? How unfair.

[Lactose Intolerance]

Amen to the author. A women in this blog compares putting formula in the gift bag to putting McDonalds on the room service menu. Both, according to her, are nutritionally inferior, and potentially DANGEROUS! Give me a break!
http://www.unboundedition.com/content/view/1801/50/

[ak]

I struggled with breastfeeding for 8 weeks (thank god I didn't have to return to work right away) and all the while I had free formula and never used it. Partly out of guilt-- "fourth rate" stuff according to WHO--and partly because failure was not an option for me. There were times when I wish those damn cans would turn into better breastfeeding support. All around me were people, doctors, friends, nosy neighbors exulting the benefits of breastfeeding but not one really could support me and give me the help I needed to figure it all out. Luckily my story ends happily, but for others who struggle, a little less judgement and more damn support please!

[bd]

I understand the pulling of the samples from NY County Hospitals as a ridiculous move to be purely economic in nature-not for the formula companies but for public assistance. As county hospitals are located in poorer sections of the city and their patients usually rely on Medicaid and WIC for themselves and their children, the government doesn't want to pay for formula if it doesn't have to--thus the push for breastfeeding and pulling samples. The severe push to breastfeed from the advisors to those on public assistance is horrific. ALL women should be given the choice, regardless of economic situation.

[Busy Me]

I am an avid breastfeeding supporter. I believe that there is not enough "normality" linked to breastfeeding and in many societies formula feeding is "the normal" thing to do.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I told everyone I was going to "try' to breastfeed, but would definately introduce formula at 6 months..... WHY would I say that??? Because that's what society had dictated was "normal!!!"

I went on to breastfeed my first 2 children until 14 and 16 months and am currently BF my 5 month old, totally exclusively.... though that does not make me a better mother than those who bottle feed!!!!

Here in Australia, one parenting magazine has banned formula advertising, and this has had a mixed response, I personally think advertising/samples etc should be limited..... But what I think is lacking right across the world is SUPPORT!!!!

I will not judge a mother who choses to bottle feed her child. There are many reasons and situations that mean bottlefeeding is the better option.......

What I can't handle is when a woman is not given support and assistance and therefore switches to formula because she feels there was no other choice. This is NOT the fault of the mother, it is the fault of governments worldwide, and of society as a whole.

I feel that if more women have honest conversations about breastfeeding, bottle feeding, what they need to succeed at either then hopefully things worldwide can only improve.

I could rave all day about this subject, but what I will finish with is that no matter what a mother choses to do we should NOT rally against each other, or insult each other... mother's on the whole must stick together... it is only through education and WIDELY available support that the best opportunities will exist for mothers and their babies xx

CHHVNJF,ZCJDFHUELWCJ HFU S .JDK.

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