Thrushed

The proudest moment of my blogging career came about a week after Noah was born. My blog was little more than stream-of-consciousness ramblings and hastily uploaded baby pictures. (Uh. Which is SO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT IT IS NOW. Pffffft.) Some days the words hit the screen without ever really registering in my brain.

Then a reader emailed to let me know that Dave Barry had linked to something I'd written a couple weeks before on his blog. DAVE BARRY, PEOPLE. (It might have been his assistant, but still. Close enough!) I checked my stats and oh my very holy crap. There was an extra comma in my hits.

You know what'd I'd written about that morning? Thrush. Itching. Burning. About getting my nipples painted purple by my lactation consultant. So at the very least, a good portion of those million or so people who followed the Dave Barry link presumably clicked back over to the home page and ta da! Let me introduce you to my yeast-infected breasts. I call the left one Hootie.

So. Here's my dilemma: do I do the very same thing (albeit on a much MUCH smaller scale) to another nice unsuspecting blogger who wrote a painfully familiar and funny post about her own Giant Purple Hooters?

Hmm. I don't know. Whatever should I do?

More, More, More

Readers of that other little blog that I do (you know, the pink one with all the bad words) know that I've been trapped in the I WANT ANOTHER BABY NO I DON'T YES I DO MAYBE I AM PREGNANT NO I AM NOT WHEW WAIT NO SOB cycle for awhile now.

It's fun. Kinda like a hamster wheel. Or a tilt-a-whirl.

Reader Tiffany sent me a great post that she thought I'd identify with, and whaddaya know! I did!

It's this one from aibiffity, brilliantly titled "the baby thing." Oh yes. That.

While I was pregnant, the idea of having more than the one child I couldn't believe I already had (what?) never crossed my mind. As my new son was handed to me though, right smack bang on the tail of The Lightening Bolt of Love that came with him, was the absolute knowing that while this purple faced, screaming infant was my entire universe, I wanted more. Kind of like, in keeping with the universe theme, how it reaches to infinity but is growing. Into what? I ask, and in much the same way I ask, what kind of bull**** analogy am I trying to use anyway.

Point being! Daniel means the world to me and he is absolutely enough, and wanting more children doesn't make him any less so of those things, but I do want more children. Or more to the point, I want to know I tried.

The author (anna bee) faces a few additional challenges than I do -- besides our similarly wonky cycles (wooo! wonky cycle sistahs! let's get matching tattoos!), she's a 39-year-old single woman trying to get approval for fertility treatment in Australia. Where if you are "socially infertile" (single or a lesbian), you have to jump through hoops and ethics committees and probably wild dingos. (I promise that'll be the only Australia joke I make. I only aim for the lowest common denomoninator once per entry!)

Luckily, despite conceiving her son Danial naturally, she actually managed that little trick while preparing for an IVF cycle (the whole story is here) and her endocrinologist was on her side and took her case to the ethics committee. Who of course wondered why she didn't just try to see if she could conceive on her own again (despite being, you know, SINGLE). (Hey! It's the bureaucratic equivalent to saying "Why don't you just relax?")

Firstly and obviously, unless I start to channel Mother Mary some time soon, I need to start going out at night fuelled by loads of alcohol with only a few ancient condoms in my purse, it being the lack of mechanically actions conducive to getting knocked up that they are referring to. The drawbacks to that plan working are, one, reliable baby sitting and two, time, people, TIME! I could get in touch with my inner slutty aibee and keep getting smashed and then laid, but it'd all end up the same. Three years would pass and then I'd be back saying "See? I really DO have fertility issues, you bunch of legislative windbags. Also! Crabs. Thanks a bunch."

Anyway, the upshot of her story is that she's been accepted into an IVF program. She's going to try for another baby. Also: her first baby is adorable. Also: she's hilarious.

(Also! Crabs. HA.)

Outpourings

My inbox is overflowing with links and requests right now -- thank y'all for giving me the heads' up about everything going down in the corners of blogdom right now, and I will try to get to all your recommendations this week -- so today I've got two links. I'll warn you right now -- sad stories ahead.

• Dawg, a blogger in New York City, just lost his five-year-old son in a drowning accident. His friends have organized a support-and-donation campaign. "Buy" a graphic for $5 via PayPal. Post the graphic on your blog or message board or just, you know, donate. Dawg has asked for no emails, but comments are open on his site to leave a message of support and sympathy. They've collected over $2,200 so far, which is amazing. I can't imagine having to pay for my own child's funeral. I actually can't even imagine life even continuing after losing my child. So I bought a graphic. Update! Link to the donation page is here, like, WOW AMY, what a bonehead you are.
• Lynne at And Babies Make Six is spreading the word about Elyse Yu, a four-month-old triplet who needs a bone marrow transplant. RIGHT NOW. The most likely match will come from someone of Korean descent, so if you or anybody you know think you might be able to help, please go register as a bone marrow donor. It's free for Asians and other special populations where donors are really needed (According to the Registry's site: there's "a pressing need for American Indian and Alaska Native, Asian, Black and African American, Hispanic and Latino, Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander, and multiple-race donors.")

And then... Um. To cheer you up this dreary Monday morning, take a look at Elwood, this year's winner of the World's Ugliest Dog contest. Gasp! And also, awwww.

One Year, and Also: Existential Blogging Angst!

So it occurred to me that I've been writing this blog for ClubMom for over a year now. I completely spaced on the blog's anniversary , but then again I usually forget about my personal blog's anniversary until about a week or so later. Usually on a day that I have nothing to write about so a nice easy post about hey! I've been pounding out this nonsense for another whole year! Go me!

Sometimes I'm still not really sure what I'm doing over here. I mean, I started out strong and determined, with a long list of blogs I was passionate about and the assumption that I could easily turn other people's writing into an amusing entry about myself and motherhood and life. (And the universe, and everything.) I knew I had a special obligation to the other ClubMom bloggers and I knew that I needed to watch my dirty bad potty mouth. Let's blog, baby!

But if I'm honest, sometimes I have no idea how to really approach this blog, which has led it feeling a little haphazard at times. I've done long personal posts that are "inspired" by another blogger's entry. Which sometimes have a lame kind of "Hey! Me too! Isn't that something." vibe to them.

And then what to do about posts that I love but aren't really about anything I can personally relate to?

"Oh wow, this entry about losing her mom as a child totally reminds me of the time I got lost in JC Penney's for 20 whole minutes when I was four."

"Oh wow, this entry about finding out her husband was cheating on her is totally amazing and heartbreaking, not that I can even imagine that, because my husband would never cheat on me, because our marriage is perfect, yessireebob."

Yeah. So sometimes that doesn't work, and I try to do the short little link-and-blurb approach, which looks like I put zero thought into the entry and then I feel badly for reducing someone's fantastic writing effort into 25 words or less.

"So thisblogoverheredotcom has an amazing story, one about love and loss and babies and international espionage, and you should go read it and I have to go grocery shopping now bye!"

For awhile I tried to find a bunch of entries that covered the same topic, but the amount of reading required for this very literally made my eyeballs bleed and my hair fall out and I would send out desperate emails to people begging them to tell me if they'd read anything about step-children or attachment issues in adoptions or bullies or threats of violence against children's television characters aaaaaaeeeeiiii.

Oh, and remember the Blog Award thing? That was pretty fun, until I lost my bag of nominations and also realized how hard it is to write a long, glowing post about a blog that you've only just been introduced to, and WHILE WE'RE ON THAT TOPIC, the number of blogs I try to keep up with is insane. Which means I miss stuff. Stuff that happens to my FRIENDS (like pregnancies! births! personal tragedies that will not interfere with her ability to do good hair!) because I already wrote about their blogs and if I have to update and haven't found a blog to write about I don't have time to read my FRIENDS because I must find someone new and different to write about and how many times can I mention how amazing I think Linda and Moreena and Julie and Alice are before people start throwing rocks at me?

(It's like...psst! Have you ever heard of this blog Dooce? She's really funny. And you heard it here first!)

Hmm.

Perhaps I am kind of over-thinking this. I don't know. What do you think?

Anyway. Thanks for reading this blog. I've discovered so many amazing writers because of it, and I hope you maybe have too.

How To Use Adobe Photoshop, As Shown With Helpful Images Created In Microsoft Paint

HA HA.

HA!

(And also, might I recommend the idiot-monkey-proof Picasa for all your digital photo butchering editing needs?)

Since I've Been Gone

Sorry about the dusty old blog over here, people. I've been on vacation and somehow managed to survive sans Internet. Even though I'd specifically booked a hotel with free WiFi, in the end my laptop never really emerged from my luggage and at this point, I don't even know if Paris is still in jail or if Lindsay's still in rehab, much less all the interesting developments going on in mommyblogland. I have priorities, people! And they mostly involve TMZ!

Actually, I did make a beeline for several blogs this morning to see what I missed...

1. First, checking in with Julia to see how things are going with the twins. Twins! An whew, NBHHY.
2. Same thing for Miss Zoot. Appointment today. All body parts crossed, ready, okay.
3. Then I was heartbroken to read about Liam's passing. Oh, how crushing, and I'm so sorry, Kate. There just aren't any words.
4. But then there's more optimistic news for Annika.
5. And the move to South Korea is underway for Jenefer.
6. And I was happy to read that Mrs. Flinger is coping with her newborn about as well as one can hope for.
   
7. And here's something spot-on funny from Halushki. Jeez, I wish I could understand why she doesn't post as much as I'd like her to. I mean, really. There's just no excuse.

And that's when I realized that I smelled poop, and OH MY GOD WE HAD A RED ALERT DIAPER SITUATION GOING ON RIGHT HERE IN THE LIVING ROOM OH MY GOD WHAT DID GRANDMA FEED YOU WHILE MAMA WAS ON VACATION RED ALERT RED ALERT WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE WIPES AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Needless to say, I've got a LOT more blog reading to do.

The ClubMom Club

Jen of Stay-at-Home Motherdom has asked for the Internet's help, and you know I am all about sending up the Blogger Bat Signal and...uh...swooping to the rescue with...um...a blog post and a link.

(I am such a giver. I should go lie down now.)

Anyway, Jen is getting ready to go on a mission trip to Kenya and it's not really going super-smoothly. Lots of questions and communication problems and also the more pressing fundamental problem of Not Enough Money. She's about $1,200 short. So...you know. *holds out can, shakes it to make the shiny quarters rattle*

(She could also use some tasty free encouragement, especially from anybody with experience in overseas missions or raising money for charity.)

(Oh, and she's decided to go back to school! To seminary! This is yooooge!)

(And this is another set of parentheses! Just for the sheer thrill of it!)

Friday Funny II

I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing. At. This.

Okay, so technically this isn't a "blog." It've a video series that's only sort-of a vlog (that's a "video log" for those of you who aren't so hep to the latest computing box lingo) but mostly a comedy series but people, it is so teh funny. (That's "the funny" for those of you who like to type properly or whatever.)

Behold! MOTHERHOODLUM on YouTube:

MOTHERHOODLUM is a verite-style, single camera series that takes an irreverent, hilarious and unapologetic look at the perilous world of new parenthood. From the playpen to the playground, the new parent's inevitable failures are experienced through the unique point-of-view of Emily, a lovable, trouble-making disaster of a new mom (played by Emily Wagner). She is desperately seeking a mommy tribe in Los Angeles that she fits into but instead keeps bumping into armies of Competitive Parents, Nanny Poachers, Meddling Mommies, Mommy Martyrs and Eco-Nazi Moms. Each new adventure ends up a pitfall. Whether she's getting fired from her Pediatrician, banned from the playground or blackmailing her way into infant music class, Emily's journey is always ripe with high jinks and humor.

Turns out life doesn't end after you've had a baby. It just gets poopier.

The videos feature some...um...not safe for work (or little mimicking monkey ears) language and adult situations so pop on some headphones if you must, but BWA HA HA.

The Unbearable Lameness of Blogging

Blogging is lame sometimes. The (infuriatingly! why can't I write like him!) good and eloquent Dutch of Sweet Juniper recently summed up precisely why it's lame: (it's) a medium for unremarkable narcissists to prattle on about their favorite television shows or other prosaic aspects of their unremarkable lives. Um, yep.

My life is wholly unremarkable. I don't even leave the house most days. And yet I have an audience of people showing up at a dumb website every day, waiting for me to say something interesting, so what to do when there's just nothing interesting to say?  How many days can I go without posting before the audience just stops showing up? How many trite, half-hearted posts can I get away with this week? Hey look! Here's a photo of my coffee maker!

(Of course, Dutch was writing about one of the exceptional exceptions to this lameness.)

And sometimes it seems blogging has lost its soul. As more and more of us pursue ads and product placements and side ventures and paid gigs, it's easy to forget why we started blogging in the first place. We get bogged down in Internet politics and let the critics get under our skin. We censure ourselves. We write about how blogging has affected our blogging and blah blah blog. And we get even more lame.

Yvonne at Joy Unexpected wrote a really great post about this. She reflects on how she used to write and what she used to write about. How she's more guarded than she used to be and refrains from writing about how she really feels. Which is sad and angry. Because her little family is going through a really hard time right now. She finally opened the floodgates and just wrote about anything and everything she's feeling right now, and it's the kind of entry that reminds me how wonderfully therapeutic blogging can be, both for the reader AND the writer.

It reminds me that our lives may be unremarkable, but they're our lives, and it helps to know we're not living them alone.

Blogging for LGBT Families

Mombian and voices from all over the blogosphere celebrated the 2nd annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day on Friday, and the response was so overwhelming it ended up getting extended through the weekend and yesterday.

Over 140 posts in support of LGBT families of all shapes and stripes were contributed -- you can get started reading them all here.

A few of my favorites (so far, anyway, 140 posts is a lot of reading):

Thoughts from a Foster Family: The Way it Should Be

Not the Mama: Everyone on Sesame Street is always talking about love

gaydad: Gay Marriage = Gay Parenting

Unwellness: i don't do politics

The Mouse's Nest: Becoming a Family

we are fambly: we really are fambly

Cheese and Whine: i can't imagine i'll grow out of it

(Thanks to Mouse for the head's up!)