The Three Martini Playdate

Okay, so I'm trying to be all cool and collected and stuff, but I am really BEYOND SUPER EXCITED because today I am going to my very! first! playdate!

It's with a mom I met through Gymboree, and she is so pretty and cool and funny and I think she likes me and I don't want to rush into anything but y'all...this feels RIGHT. This could be IT. I could MAKE A NEW FRIEND.

(Note to self: Never ever tell New Potential Friend about this blog, because holy crap, creepy and desperate much?)

Anyway, while we were finalizing our plans she mentioned "picking up some booze" and then quickly followed it up with "just joking!"

Then she looked at my face, which was probably all, "boo!" and then tentatively said something like, "unless you are okay with me not being joking?" And then we both laughed, and I asked if I could braid her hair, and then it was just AWKWARD.

Heh.

Coincidentally enough, today's New York Times has an article about moms and playdates and drinking, entitled "Cosmopolitan Moms." Bloggers Melissa Summers of Suburban Bliss and ClubMom's own Jennifer Ramsey of Stay-at-Home Motherdom are quoted.  It's an interesting read.

So what do you guys think about happy hour playdates? Do you ever have a cocktail or glass of wine when getting together with other moms? Harmless indulgence? Necessary relaxation? Or a disaster waiting to happen?

(Play nice, BTW. I gotta go curl my hair and make myself extra pretty for my date. PLAYDATE, I mean. Of course. I'm not insane in the slightest, oh noooooooo.)

Comments

[Kris H.]

Hubby and I have some friends that we get together with almost every weekend...the kids play and the adults gossip, eat and drink! Most of the time, one of us will abstain (though I have to admit it is rarely...read NEVER...me) so that if something happened someone could drive to the emergency room.

I say...imbibe and enjoy!!!

Oh, and check out Mommy Needs Coffee! Apparently Martini's are the theme today... :)

[HollowSquirrel]

I may joke about having alcohol at a playdate, but honestly, this may mark me as terminally uncool, but I don't think it's cool. Kids model adult behavior, and I think it's a bad idea.

[Mamo]

Personally, I think playdates should be more about letting the kids get some needed social interaction with their peers. Sure the moms should have fun and socialize during the playdates, but save the liquor for mom's night out.

[Kerry]

I found out that when I was 21 that my mom and aunt used to each carry a beer hidden in their coat pockets when they took us trick or treating. Sounds like a great tradition to keep going to me!

And honestly, I think my healthy relationship with alcohol now is in large part because I grew up watching people have A beer or A drink, not drinking to get drunk. Kids do model adult behavior...but if adults act like adults and not like college frat boys, that's not such a bad thing.

[Andy]

Bring it on! It's not like I'd get trashed or anything. Most of the time we get together and play with the kiddos there is a bit of food and drink involved, then again it's usually more of a family get together than a play date, but still. I see no harm.

[Vicky]

Like Kris above, we do the same thing on our Saturday night "poker playdates". All the adults drink and eat and play poker and the kids (toddlers to 10 year olds) play and scream and make a mess in the playroom (of course we feed them too, but severely limit their alcohol intake).

The few playdates I've ever had with my friends (I work full-time) over the years, we've never had a drink, but I think that's just because we never thought of it. Do I need to start having babies again so I can experience this? Cause it sounds fun and I'm feeling like I missed out on something.

And a note on friends. I think most Moms find their good friends through their children. Whether its from playgroups, sports teams or school I have always found great friends in people that have kids the same ages as mine. In fact, I was just talking to a friend whose kids are in high school and she was complaining that she doesn't meet many new adults anymore now that her kids are older. They go out by themselves so much now that she doesn't get a chance to meet their friends' parents (kinda scared me as I already have a 15 year old. Am I gonna be a lonely, crazy cat-lady in a few years? Eeep!).

So, I guess you should relish all the friends you meet while your kids are young.

[Heather B.]

Ummm, does one say congratulations to this?? I suppose that will suffice. So congrats and many more drunk playdates ahead!

[Nancy]

Have fun. I remember when I first met my best playdate friend (I mean, of course, the mom of my daughter's friend) and was so nervous too. It felt like I was in college and dating again! (and then I did give her my blog address...) ;-)

Oh and yes, we do enjoy wine with our playdates.

[Emily]

Yes to the booze, but never on the first date. But then again I am a cheap drunk and would say something stuped so booze with a stanger is never a good idea.

[Melissa Wiley]

Hmm, let's see, I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding or both since the summer of 1994. LOL! At this point I get a little buzzed just saying the word "martini."

[Kirsten]

I think once I am not pregnant all the time I will definitely have martinis at my playdates!

[Amber]

HA! All of our playdates are usually in the morning, so no martinis for us. If we have friends over in the evening, we'll have a beer or glass of wine, but on an ordinary day, we usually wait to drink until the kids are in bed.

Hope you had a fun playdate!

[Jenny H.]

I don't think I liked the tone of the N.Y. Times article. It was kinda disturbing...I have nothing against having a glass of wine,or even some sort of adult beverage. But that article made it sound like they were getting shitty while the kids ran amuck.

That is a little scary.

Good luck on your "date"!!-hee,hee!!
Don't worry, you will have so much fun!!

[melissaS]

disaster waiting to happen if you're not an adult and don't know how to enjoy alcohol in moderation.

I didn't take that it sounded like the moms were getting shitty (is that drunk?) at all. It sounded like some people over do it, as with anything there's that possibility. But most everyone she talked to responsibly enjoyed a drink or two while socializing.

I guess it all ties back to your feelings about alcohol in general. If you believe having a cocktail = being drunk then yep you'll have a problem with the cocktail playgroup. And probably, you shouldn't have a cocktail if that's how you handle alcohol.

[Caroline]

I don't see how the responsible enjoyment of a drink during a play date is any different from the responsible enjoyment of an after dinner cocktail at home. The only mitigating factor would be driving.

[fellowmom]

I agree with Caroline. It's not necessary to swear off alchohol during the entire period of your child's minority.

And a play date is a social engagement for the parents too. I think the key is "responsible enjoyment."

[stayathomemotherdom]

I am all for moms drinking socially, especially on moms nights out without kids.

Sure, I do think many moms drink responsibly on playdates, but others do not. In fact, the person who is acting the most sober, could be the person who is imbibing the most...tolerance and all. What's disturbing about the article is that one mom says, "I deserved this."

While I certainly am not indicating that these moms have drinking problems, "deserving" alcohol as a reward for a long week...should that be a concern? Do you want your kids to hear that? I know it used to a reward for me most definitely:)

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Good God. If I had know you were a playdate drinker I would have invited you guys over MONTHS ago for a playdate.

[Julie T.]

I agree. Have a drink or two, just be aware of how much, and have fun! I believe playdates are just as much for the adults as they are for the kids. Just please let me know what time your "date" is because I will have a drink with you.....even though I am in Louisiana....I'll be thinking about ya! Have fun!!!!

[Megan]

I think, like everything, it should be in moderation. I have no problems with one or two drinks or whatever. I'd just advise that at least *one* person is sober - as someone else pointed out, you need someone sober to drive a kid to the doctor's, if need be.

[Ninotchka]

I'm a total lightweight. So, yes, everything in moderation and all that jazz.

That said, I call playdates with my neighbor and her son: Wine/No Whine Dates.

They're a good thing.

[callistawolf]

Man, none of my friends are the sort to drink even on a mom's night out. That said, I think it would be a lot of fun to have a cocktail playdate, especially if you're in the neighborhood and a few doors down from home. It's not like you're going to make it a kegger, just a couple of fruity martinis (appletini...mmm) or slushy margaritas that are heavy on the slush and light on the tequila.

But yeah, this is for those out there that are responsible enough to have only a drink or two and keep it safe for the kiddies. That (should) go without saying.

[reluctant housewife]

Oh have fun! And have a glass of wine for me!

I'm pregnant, so my partaking during playdates is temporarily limited. But we definitely do it. One glass is fine. We leave the drunken nights for Moms nights out.

[Gillian]

There will always be people with a drinking problem, but those people are much more likely to drink alone than to have other adults around who might notice that they are on their fourth drink in an hour.

Your child can play with other children at the park. Playdates are as much about women being able to talk to adults, form friendships and create a support network as they are about children learning to interact. It is important that children see their parents with other adults and, for a time, experience not being the center of attention themselves.

People who are uncomfortable with drinking shouldn't do so, otherwise we need to get off of mother's backs. Lord knows no one hesitates to tell mothers what they should and should not be doing 24/7. Moms can be lonely. Getting together with other moms in whatever forms with which they are comfortable seems to be a rational way to deal with that loneliness. I think they should also consider doing some laughing, sharing concerns and comparing notes on pediatricians, day care centers or whatever comes up.

[Jenn]

You know, I talked to that reporter as well, but after a while I just couldn't tell the way she was going to spin the story, so I pulled back the information a bit. I could see it so easily becoming another David Hochman slamming mommybloggers and , well...no thanks!

To each her own.

If you and your friends know how to drink responsibly and all, go for it. If you feel uncomfortable doing so, don't. Like everything else in life, not everyone will agree.

Face it, some put themselves out there to proudly say they drink at playdates whereas others put themselves out there proclaiming how great it is their kids get the interaction. Neither is wrong. Neither is right.

Again, to each her own. (But I bet it will cause controversy anyway because OH MY GOD YOU DRINK!) *eyeroll*