Mary Poppins Must Have Gotten Tangled in Some Power Lines

This week, I've been interviewing part-time nannies. It's been a joyous, riotous pleasure. In fact, I've had so much fun I think I might go club myself in the head for awhile now. You know, just to bring myself back to earth.

Ugh. It's been awful. I cannot decide which one I like. Do I even like any of them? Should I move to the B-list applicants? Should I hire that one? Or...that one? Should I call their references again? Should I try to convince my mom that really, taking Amtrak from Philadelphia to Washington, DC three times a week is SO not a big deal, COME ON. WAH.

It didn't help that just prior to interviewing my very first candidate, I read this post from Finslippy.

Yesterday Henry arrived home with Trixie (my new name for her. Because she’s tricksy!) and announced. “Trixie hit me. She pushed me down and I scraped my knee.”

My heart stopped and I died. The end.

Then I came back to life and said, “Flalalalahhh?”

You simply must go read Alice's full account, which is (in classic Finslippy fashion) all kinds of dramatic and hilarious and harrowing and OH MY GOD, THE CRAZY WOMAN HIT HER CHILD.

Nanny Criteria #1: No hitting of the child. EVER.

HollowSquirrel was actually unnerved by the very same post, right when she's looking for a daycare provider for her little guy.

Daycare Option Numero Dos: Family Daycare Provider, found via NY government childcare agency. Has a dog (a boxer/PIT BULL mix). X She smokes, but is trying to quit: "but I don't smoke in the house." XX Well at least there are no guns in the house...I mean there "ain't no guns." She thought that was a great question: "ain't never been asked that before." Strike tres. XXX Movin' on...

Sigh. I remember touring daycare centers back when I was pregnant, and...well, UGH again.

It's always a tough, emotional process trying to find someone to care for your child -- whether it be full-time, part-time or just long enough for dinner and a movie. You want someone professional, reliable and competant, yet you also want someone who sees your child as more than just a "job." You want someone who will love your child, but not in a creepy way.

Nanny Criteria #2: Yeah, remember that Hand That Rocks the Cradle movie? Nothing remotely like that AT ALL.

And you want your child to feel safe and cared for, but as God is my witness, he better not like her better than me.

Ugh.

Comments

[JustLinda]

I have a nanny! This summer, I hired a nanny. First time ever. Oh, it was hard screening and making the decision. We narrowed it down to 2 and actually chose the wrong one!

How do I know we chose the wrong one? Well, she worked here for a week and then quit (which is the first way we knew she was the wrong one).

But then we hired the 2nd candidate and she ROCKS!! Oh she is AWESOME and I'm so happy I'm begging her to quit school and stay here past the summer (she's a 23 year old college student).

It's like having a WIFE and I've always wanted a wife. She cleans my house and takes my kids fun places and helps to keep my disorganized self ORGANIZED. Me! Organized!

So my advice, of course, is to go with the 2nd candidate.

Here is how I felt when embarking on my search back in March: http://justlinda.net/blog/2006/02/28/practically-perfect-in-every-way/

[Jaeme]

I also read Finslippy's account of the nanny smacking her dear, sweet child. It was right around the same time that I'd finally convinced myself that my child will be fine if I let someone else care for him while I work. It's 2006--we have nanny cams and vigilante strangers ready to lay the smack down on a perfect stranger if she's out in public with her naked-headed child in 50 degree weather.

Why is it that total strangers offer me advice about my son in public(he should wear a hat, it's too warm for a hat, no mittens? he's too warm, too cool, looks sleepy, ETC...) but no one at the park said anything to a person who is assaulting a child?

Makes me want to go back to my old idea of stapling my child to my chest and keeping him safe with me FOREVER.

[Amber]

Delurking, as I am a nanny. It is hard to find good, qualified, non-creepy nannies sometimes, but most of us are sane people who would never ever lay a hand on a child (that's rule number one for any good nanny). That said, I know there are some real crazies who apply for nanny positions. Screen carefully and trust your gut. Install nanny cams if you feel the need, but make sure to check local law to see if you need to notify the nanny that she is being taped.

Good luck on your search! Noah is adorable!

[mothergoosemouse]

Holy crap on a stick.

I've got to say that my gut has served me well when it comes to choosing child care. If you aren't fully happy after the interview, you aren't going to be fully happy when that person is caring for your child.

And if I can make a book recommendation - "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. Also wrote "The Gift of Fear". Excellent reference guide for "keeping children safe and parents sane". Extensive section on choosing a child care provider.

[Hero]

People thought I was crazy when I told them that the private, one-on-one caregiver I found for my infant was in fact the mom to my high school boyfriend. He was my first boyfriend ever and we were together for 5 years so she was essentially the first "second mom" I ever had.

Thankfully, my hubby loved her when he met her and was completely ok with the arrangement.

The day I got fired, she cried because she wouldn't have the Bam every day.

Now, almost three years since I started staying home with him, she ASKED if he could come spend a couple of hours with him every Tuesday because she genuinely feels like he is just another of her grandchildren.

I love her. I hope you can find something similar.

[Pammer]

Ah, yes. Just went through it, but we were hiring a LIVE IN and it totally freaked me out.

After several obsessive moments (and posts...), we hired Maria. Who we love.

But in the back of my mind? Finslippy's issues. And for that, I am thankful I work at home a majority of the time and can "supervise". Good luck! Best advice we ever received? Look for the one with the kind eyes -- your heart will know.

[Raehan]

When my oldest was a baby I worked part-time and I decided to go with a very regulated day-care center precisely because I was worried about the kind of incident in Finslippy's post.

No child-care provider was ever left alone with a child and everything was out in the open with parents welcome to come in at anytime.

i just felt safer that way. But I can see how a good nanny that you can trust would be a positive experience for your kid. And less illness that way, too.

Good luck!

[Wacky Mommy]

OK I need to throw up now. I'm putting off going back to work. Again.

[RAS]

I was a nanny for three years, and I can assure you that your kid will never, ever love a nanny more than he loves you. Much as I loved the kids I cared for, and as much as I'm pretty sure they loved me, their first call when anything scary happened was "mommy!" And that's just how it should be.

If I can offer a bit of unsolicited advice, check out college campuses nearby. They could be very ripe picking grounds for great nannies. STudents often have very flexible schedules that could work well with a part-time position.

Good luck!

[Jenny]

I just read finslippy's abusive nanny story and I just want to cry...and throw up...

Is it wrong of me to want to throttle that nanny?

[Monica]

I read a book a while ago - Protecting the Gift by Gavin De Becker. He gives a lot of great advice about questions to ask and how to read the responses you get. He also talks about learning to trust your instincts, and how to teach your child to do the same.

It's very good, and I've been recommending it and passing my copy around friends and family.

[Patchie]

We had a babysitter for our firstborn, who watched him from late infancy till he was nearly 2. She'd watch him one or two evenings a week, from dinnertime (when he got up from his nap) till 8. Not a long time, right? Not a long time to kill with videos, books and games?

We found out she was taking him out in her car (not allowed) in the winter (no wonder he was always sick) in a car seat he HAD OUTGROWN AND WHICH WE HAD STUFFED IN THE BACK OF THE GARAGE. And never told her about. She hunted down an old carseat, which could have caused my kid's head to snap off in an accident, so she could take him to the local coffee dive.

It's taken us four years to be able to summon the courage to hire another babysitter. And we made sure she doesn't have a car, or even a driver's license.

[Zoot]

All of this crap that everyone is talking about finding out about their nannies or daycares makes me really think I'm in the wrong business. I need to open a daycare and just advertise "We only hire clean, smart, sane people!" and I'd have customers by the thousands.

[Brian]

My wife and I feel fortunate to have a wonderful, progressive daycare. Our biggest worry is whether our daughter is starting to love her primary caregiver more than us.

That said, it costs us $1,000 a month to send her there three days per week, and now we can't afford to live in New York City anymore.

So, we're moving to Florida, where daycare is free (thanks, grandmas!). Once again, I return to my favorite bit of sage advice: a baby changes everything.

[Heather B.]

I'm a tad bit biased, but thus far you've had pretty good luck in the babysitter department and hopefully you'll get another good one.

Just try not to fire that other babysitter you've got. She's sensitive.

[Dabney]

This is probably something you have already thought of ... but didn't Noah's daycare teacher really, really like him? Maybe you could ask her if she would do it or at least for some recommendations.

[janny226]

And just to add my two cents...the PART-TIME thing is even harder than trying to find a full-time person, at least here in NYC, because all the good nannies want a full-time position, or to be paid for it anyway. So even if you find someone good, make sure that she's not going to elave as soon as something more lucrative comes along! I'd definitely suggest students and grandmas, not someone trying to make a living. We we lucky to find a young lady in our neighborhood with an evening job at a store, who posted herself on craigslist, of all places, as as sitter. Risky? yes! But we checked her out and have "spies" in the apartment building as well. Good luck!!

[Amalah]

Thanks y'all. I actually shouldn't be complaining -- we posted an ad on craigslist and were OVERWHELMED by the number of responses. Dozens and dozens! There are a million and one nice young college students in DC right now looking for part-time jobs with flexible hours and close to public transportation.

I'm just stressing because I've found four (FOUR!) wonderful candidates and cannot figure out which one to hire. I've met them all in person and they are just lovely. References all check out and they all really want and need the job and aren't asking for much money at all. And since I'll be in the next room at all times, I'll be able to keep a close eye and ear on anyone I hire.

Yet I am convinced that whoever I hire will be the wrong one and the ones I turn down are the right ones, and arrrggghhh it's a never-ending circle of doubt.

Thanks to everybody who mentioned going with your gut, because I think that's what it's going to come down to -- a gut feeling that I just like one girl better than the rest, for reasons I'm not sure about.

[Kristin]

My children are 9, 8 and 2 and we have had the same nanny/housekeeper since the older two were 2 and 9 months... over the years she has nannied (the verb!) and been a housekeeper and had 2 children of her own, but I have never been able to toally let her go... she is like family to us and she is so wonderful that sneaky women try to steal her away!!!

My point? They are out there... the wonderful women who will take great care of your children.

See if you can bring in the ones you like best on a trial basis... have each of them come in and see with whom you and Noah are the most comfortable.

[cagey]

As much as the Crazy People (ie. my family) drive me loopy, the beauty is that I have a jazillion cousins one of which lives near me, is in high school and needs $$$. I provide her with a steady income and she provides me with my Sanity.

Part-time care is a MUST for SAHMs, WAHMs, WHATEVER - even if it is for a few hours a week.

[Isabel]

This is a topic that us mommies could talk about forever. And sometimes we do!

Good luck. And when you find a good one and figure out the best way to find that good one...let us all know, so we can use your same system.

[Silly Hily]

Thank the Lord I have a good relationship with my mother-in-law b/c she watches my kids during the day.
I bitch about it sometimes b/c it's still not ME watching my kids. Then, I get slapped in the face by someone who has to find the perfect stanger to watch their kid(s) AND pay them. That throws me back into reality and makes me realize how lucky I am.

[iheartnewyork]

Eeeek, the horror stories! I agree with Kristin and others who said essentially the same thing -- good nannies are out there. Trust your instincts and I agree, kind eyes are a very good sign. We tried a biggish daycare center ("so he'll never be alone with one person") and really didn't care for it. The constant illnesses, the bitter employees, the nagging feeling that there had to be something better for our son. Our nanny has been with us for 5 years and we love her. She has very kind eyes -- and wonderful young adult daughters. Seeing her amazing daughters made us realize she'd certainly raised a couple of people right. One other point -- others in your community, especially once your kids are in school part-time too -- will take notice of how your nanny is with your children. We get comments all the time about our nanny, how wonderful she is and how happy our kids seem. There is nothing better than unsolicited feedback like that. Good luck with your choice, Amy!

[Mary]

I'm a nanny, and I'll echo the "go with your gut" comments. Not only do you want someone who is a great childcare provider, you also want someone who is a good fit with you and your family, someone you'll feel comfortable with. There's nothing better than your gut to give you that kind of information. Best of luck, Amalah.

[Amy]

I have the best nanny on the planet - not only does she love and take care of my kids while I"m at work - but she totally cleaned and re-organized my kitchen yesterday!

I always say she is my wife. She reminds me to bring my umbrella if it's raining, goes to events at the kids school when I can't go, takes excellent care of them - and is just: Great.

I knew it when I was interviewing her - it hit me in the gut: she is the one. Didn't even feel the need to call her references (I did - I'm a gut follower, but I'm not stupid!)

But, she was our fourth nanny - went through three before her... But yes, they are out there.