Random Funny Things That Made Me Smile Today

And thank goodness for random funny things, because the child is constipated and won't take a nap and I have a column due in like, four and a half minutes and the babysitter just canceled and I think the dog ate a ballpoint pen.

Ahem. Onward! To the randomness!

First, some non sequiturs from the "Kids Say the Darnedest Blog Fodder" file (click for the full entry and you know, context):

From Baleful Regards: "No, I can see your underwear. You need to pull your shirt down. It's not appropriate, Mama."

From Underpaid Kept Woman: "Those taste like those things you have on your chest to feed babies."

From Mimi Smartypants: "A huge piece of poop. A gargantuan piece of poop. I'm sorry, but it will not go down with the flusher."

Next up, Martha of the Mommy Chronicles attempts to decode a few of the most baffling of baffling baby behaviors:

Q. When my baby scrunches up her face and sort of smiles, but sort of looks uncomfortable, is she gassy? Or is it a real smile?

Neither. She’s just looking you thinking, “I can’t believe this is my mother. She has this weird look on her face, sort of like she’s smiling, but also like she’s maybe in pain. I wonder if it’s normal, or if I should be worried she's got gas."

And finally, it has occurred to Weirdgirl that Grover of Sesame Street just may have been the world's first metrosexual.

Hee. I just love these crazy Internet writer people.

Comments

[Megan]

Dude, you need a new baby-sitter!

[Amalah]

Actually, it's all the dogs' fault. I think they are in cohoots. HER dog ate a hair clip and is now being checked out for a bowel obstruction,

[Megan]

Oh, no! Poor puppies. :(

[VHMPrincess]

Am loving the roundup!! Keep up the good work!!!

[Brighton]

I'll babysit, I'm in Texas- but I'd gladly babysit to get the opportunity to laugh so hard that my sides hurt just from being around you. And the dog.

[Her Bad Mother]

If I recall from your blog, your dog is like, what, 8 inches long? Where would a ballpoint GO?

Hopefully the dog's not constipated.

(laughing before even following the linky fun...)

[Susan]

I'm so happy that Mimi Smartypants and the beachball made it into this post. I think I spat my martini--er, tea! green tea! yes, nice healthy green tea--all over the desk when I read that.

[mdvelazquez]

Funny stuff. Thank you for the round-up.

How is Ceiba?

Maria

[tracey]

Kids do say the darnest...
I'll betcha you could make that the theme of an entire week and still have extra material. My kid's a figgin' laugh a minute (even when it doesn't seem all that funny because well, I'm totally stressed out).
Babysitters can really get on my nerves when they don't show up. I'm with Megan, time for a new one. Come to think of it, I need one too.

[PaintingChef]

Am I allowed to post here...I'm not a mom to a human child...

I love the Grover as a Metro post. That is HYSTERICALLY written!

And what color was the ink? Is Ceiba going to poop blue now?

[Amalah]

Turns out the CAT ate the pen.

Did you know that hairspray gets blue vomit stains out of the rug? It's true.

[Amanda827]

I know what you mean about kids saying the darndest thing... my lil girl just turned 4 and last night i asked her to her on her pj's so that we could read then get her into bed and she fell to the floor hands on her head and said " momma i cant do this everynight" " it doesnt even make any sence" i was laughing so hard that i almost fell to the floor next to her. I believe that moments like that make all the stress melt away, if only for a second it is a good second....